I don't think I've ever really sat down and tried to write about/like this before on Blogger so I'm not sure what to call this, and I can already tell it's going to be very casual. I started writing a bit about this on IG (and thank you so much to anyone who has left me comments there - I truly, truly appreciate it) but I think I do need to flush out my thoughts a bit.
I feel like maybe I'm in a weird place with blogging or even maybe just in my life in general. Honestly every few months or so, I get in a bit of what is essentially "blogging slump". I question why I bother - why do I spend so much time on planning coordinates (depending on the number and type of items, maybe 1-1.5 hours), setting up and taking photos (2-3.5+ hours), editing photos (2-3 hours), uploading photos and writing each blog post (maybe 2-3 hours). And then if I decide to shoot a YouTube video as well? Add 4-5 hours for set up, shooting, editing and uploading.
Does anyone even really read the text in my coordinate type blog posts? I'm not talking about the ones that are basically walls of text like this but like the ones that are mostly focused on new items I received. I've considered just throwing in a random weird sentence into one of the posts and see if anyone would notice. Because honestly, why put so much time and effort into the text part of the post if most people just scroll past the pictures for half a minute and move on? That's perfectly OK to do, but just something I'd prefer to be aware of so I know what to focus on in the future.
This is all a bit rhetorical but I really do feel like I spend too much time on certain aspects on these posts. And part of that is my fault. Sometimes I know instantly what I want to pair items with and sometimes I
want to take my time and explore all the options instead of just
immediately coordinate with what's easy. I'm not a "model" in any sense of the word, and I feel like I need to take about 30+ pictures for each look because chances are I look terrible in 90% of them so that can take a while. For blog posts with 5+ featured items, I might take 500 photos or more and obviously that'll take a while to sort through and edit as well.
But I guess if I knew the effort I put into these things was appreciated and helpful, I wouldn't mind so much that I put the time in. In the same vein, I know that's not why I should be doing it though. To really enjoy blogging, I need to do it for me. I've said before that the reason I initially started to blog is because I want there to be a resource (in English, since there's already a ton in Japanese) that helps overseas Liz Lisa customers buy authentic product and support the brand. But I've already established a few posts to that effect and update it when necessary, but they just kind of sit and function without my help at this point. Plus bloggers who are much more popular than me have since made their own versions of this kind of post and it pretty much renders whatever I write unseen in comparison. Which shouldn't matter but it kind of does. Meanwhile, I try to generate at least 6 posts a month of other things I like to share and/or think would be nice to showcase but who am I doing it for? Maybe I do need to stop until the answer I know for a fact the answer is me.
Truthfully, I do use my own posts as a reference for myself, so I guess on some level, I do find some usefulness in them personally. But for some reason, if I'm 100% honest, it would just mean so much more to me to know that other people actually read and appreciate them too. There's something so fulfilling about validation from other people. And obviously I don't expect that to be the case for every single post because I'm sure it's impossible for people to like and find every single one useful, but it would be nice.
This is not to belittle anyone who has left me encouraging or appreciate comments in the past. I want you to know that your feedback has warmed my heart and do have a positive impact on me, but I do still fall into slumps like this sometimes. It's not your job to keep uplifting me either and I shouldn't rely on it to motivate myself. So what is there really to do and what is the way ahead?
I am a bit mechanical in the way I've handled things in the past 18 months or so. I make sure I plan for consistency whether it's on Tumblr, Blogger or Instagram. I like to have things scheduled or in the queue for posting so I'm never lacking in content which I feel is important. However, that makes things a lot less spontaneous and natural. Instagram is good example of this. I have this folder of OOTDs that are waiting to be posted to IG. It's almost the end of March and I still have OOTDs that are waiting to be posted from December 2016. I cut my hair earlier this month and I probably won't even show any pictures with my shorter hair until over a month from now lol. And it's not because I have an IG aesthetic - one look at my profile and you can see that it's just a mischmasch of photos without any kind of uniformity. But it's because I don't want to run out of photos to post so I accidentally end up stockpiling them. And also, in the interest of being really honest, I feel like I need to post at a certain time or certain interval to get decent visibility. IG's new algorithm isn't perfect for me and I don't have it really figured out, but I know that there are some times or some intervals that just aren't great. And why post at a crap time when you know there could be a better one? (Even this post...I'm writing on Saturday but already know I probably don't want to push publish until Monday because it steals away from the post from yesterday.)
It's not really about the number of likes, notes, comments or followers either. Or at least it shouldn't be - is what I try to tell myself. Unfortunately for me, I'm not a hashtag crazy person. I'm much too shame for that lol. To outwardly show how much I truly crave attention with a bunch of hashtags (maybe half of them only 25% relevant)...I'm not sure that's within my personality. But I'm probably also in denial a bit because I know that posting a certain way will probably occasionally get me the validation I crave every once in a while, and I do cave every so often.
This is also a bit all of my fault because I don't really try to insert myself into any particular online community. I have internet friends of course (you know who you are), but I'm not into being in those Facebook groups (whether it's because the admin blocked me for an unrelated reason or because I really just don't want to be part of that environment). I don't reach out and try to comment on posts from tons of other people. Sometimes I straight up avoid a certain hashtag even though it's completely relevant to my interests because even though I'm sure I could connect with some people there, I'm tired of seeing posts I think are tagged just for likes (with content that isn't even related) or just annoying reposts tbh. I often come off as bitchy or standoffish because I don't use a lot of fluffy language or emojis and I'm often straightforward with captions instead of trying to tell a story. I know that if I changed this, it would be too fake, too far from who I really am. I know that maybe some people that post a certain way are actually being genuine but it just seems really contrived to me. But at the same time, I can't fault them - it works.
I also have a bit of a wall put up because I'm reluctant to share too much of my personal life online. Or it could also be that I don't do much. I have a 9-5 type, Monday - Friday job that isn't very interesting with content that's slightly FOUO and then when I'm home I'm mostly just watching tv or...blogging. And blogging about blogging is pretty boring. I don't really go out and go shopping anymore. I don't go hiking anymore. I don't often go out with my friends to a place where I would post about. And that's a bit self-inflicted but it's also because on the weekends is when I have time to blog so I can't really do any other day time activity. (I can't blog or take pictures for blogging at night because bad lighting.) So, yeah. I blog and I work. That's about it lmao.
I got nervous about sharing too much when someone told me that they could track down where I went to school and what my address/where my house was, which church I went to, etc based on what I was sharing online. Because of that, I tried to pull back a bit. Even with "disappearing stories" on IG/FB/Snapchat, I'm honestly too scared to post too many personal details. But yeah, there's no way I'm going to change that.
It's weird because I feel like I'm happy with myself a lot
of the time. I have a really decent job with long term potential. I
have a comfortable salary where I can buy most of the things I want, go on trips and
even do/buy some frivolous things while also maintaining my savings. I feel really good about the things I own because I earned and paid for them out of my own pocket with money that is rightfully mine. And to some extent, I feel the same way with whatever social media following I have - that I "earned" it without having to compromise my personal integrity/standards. I'm mostly comfortable with my body (but let's not get into that). My
boyfriend isn't perfect but he loves me and I love him. My extended
family is happy and healthy and we all get along. One of the hugest problems in my life is that Hawaii is a great environment for roaches so they often sneak up on me no matter how much I clean.
So why do I feel the
need to be further validated by strangers over the internet? Why so I occasionally still find myself comparing myself to others? Why can't I be more secure with who I am and what I'm doing and just stay in my own lane? I mean, lbr, I know I feel jealous sometimes when I feel like certain people get praise or accolades for basically nothing (this isn't limited to internet stuff obviously but life in general). Is there even a way to avoid that? Do I need to look more introspectively and be more appreciative of what I do have and not what I don't?
When I look at the Liz Lisa items I have, especially when I
try to use a critical eye to see what may do better in a new home for
secondhand sales, I'm sometimes overwhelmed. Why do I have so many
things? My boyfriend called me a "collector"/said I have a "Liz Lisa
collection" maybe about a year ago and my knee jerk reaction was "NO"
and I even got a little defensive. I don't consider myself a collector
of Liz Lisa. I think it's because if I really saw it that way, I would
too easily get myself in trouble - buying things just for the sake of
having them and keeping things for the same stupid reason. I really only
want to hold on to what is right for me - things that I'm going to
actually use and wear. To me, being a collector would mean much more
investment (esp monetarily) than what I am willing to currently pony up
and it would mean that I'd probably be unwilling to use certain items
because of their supposed "value" to the overall "collection". I try not
to get myself into situations like that.
I do have some
attachment to certain pieces I own but at the end of the day, they're
just clothes. Someone on Tumblr asked "how sad do you get when you are
unable to find something that you really want? do you try to stalk it
for years to come lol?" My answer was simply that when it comes to
clothes...they're just clothes. I don't actually get sad about not
getting an item of clothing. If I miss out on a 2am release that sold
out within minutes, I'm likely more irritatied with having woken up in
the middle of the night for nothing rather than sad about not getting
the item. Sure, I'd be disappointed for a bit because of the wasted
effort, but what's the big deal really? And I think separating "buying
clothes I like" from "collecting Liz Lisa items" really helps me keep
that in perspective. Even though I didn't realize it at the time,
there's a reason why I called the post with all my Liz Lisa items "Liz Lisa wardrobe master post" rather than "My Liz Lisa collection".
just want to note that what I wrote about above is likely just specific
to me. You may consider the term "collector" to have a different
connotation and that's fine. Or you may enjoy being a collector and
don't see it as a bad thing. That's totally cool and I respect that. But
I really don't enjoy it as a label placed on me because that's not how I
see myself, and I don't want that to motivate or dictate what I buy and
keep. I'm just trying to be realistic and pragmatic for my own
This post has jumped around a bit and is kind of just a random assortment of thoughts that have been kind of floating around my head for awhile. Since none of them in particular call for a post on their own, I guess this is kind of the best way to dump them. I'm also kind of procrastinating on doing my taxes. I don't see myself doing this kind of post very often (and honestly hopefully I snap out of this line of thinking soon), but I suppose now that I've broken the ice, maybe you'll see them sporadically when inspiration strikes.
If you do have a topic you'd rather see me write about, please let me know! I've gotten some great suggestions in the past, and I'm a bit stuck for motivation right now. Recommendations and feedback are always welcome.